8 Things that Maketh not the Lady

Do You get Second Looks when You walk down the Street? - For the Wrong Reasons?

by: T. O' Donnell

It's Your Appearance

Editor's Note: I once heard a story I thought was pretty funny at the time but it is so true. It goes like this ...

"There was a young man coming out of a restaurant I had just visited who looked, in all reality, as if he just survived an auto accident. His hair was shaved into a Mohawk (just the part in the middle was left standing about six inches), his clothes were torn, hanging down below his shorts, the arms of his leather jacket were torn off and, the bare arms were covered with tattoos.

Did I mention the seven earrings on each ear and one through the nose?

Now, I try to be a pretty tolerant person and I know we live in America. That young man has an absolute right to look that way. In fact, I would go to war and fight for his right to present himself exactly as he is.

But, I wouldn't give him a job!

When the young man chose to look that way he chose to eliminate himself from 90 % of the job market so life is not going to be easy."

What about you? I have models come into my studio and we have to cover a large portion of their bodies with concealing makeup so the tattoos won't show in the photos. Now, I'm not talking about a little butterfly on the shoulder but large, obtrusive things that I am sure the model will want removed when she becomes a little older. But now, back to the article about becoming a lady. - Bob

The best course of action to take sometimes isn't clear until you've listed and considered your alternatives in wardrobe and makeup.

1. Tattoos

Tattoos used to be the coloring of soldiers, sailors, mafiosi and punk rockers. About ten years ago, they became fashionable. The lower-middle classes started taking them up. Unfortunately, unlike last years' shoes, tattoos can't be taken to the thrift shop and disposed of.

To a certain class of person, tattoos are 'cool'. To another, they are a graffito on the temple of the soul. They mark a woman definitively as lower class, alienated, depressed, and a bit daft. They're also a handy way to identify one absolutely to the authorities. Which shows how stupid some crooks are.

The same goes for piercing. My family are farmers. I associate nose rings with bulls, and piercing with cattle tags. They are a haven of dirt, infection, and their openings look unsightly.

With tattoos and piercing, before you've opened your mouth, you've already typed yourself to people you meet.

2. Highlights and streaks

Are you blonde, or brunette? Make up your mind! These might have been novel ten years ago. Now they just look common. Not all gentlemen prefer blondes. A healthy head of untinted brunette or raven dark hair is a pleasant novelty these days.

It is true that blondes have more fun. I used to be one! Most people on the planet are dark. A non-blonde with blonde hair looks 'interesting'.

Now this fashion is done to death, however. If they're doing it in Romford, it's buried!

3. Big hoop earrings

Unmistakably part of the wardrobe of the gypsy. Which is fine if you are one. Strangely popular. Perhaps they're to make the wearer's head look smaller. Add them to the features above, and an unattractive type emerges.

4. Binge drinking

Binge drinking, squawking and falling over in the street is hilarious if you are the one doing it. If you are the spectator, it's less so.

5. Visible G-string

Think about what you've read so far. Does it reinforce what you already know about appearance do's and don'ts? Or was there something completely new? What about the remaining paragraphs?

This is erotic, no doubt about it. Unless you haven't the figure to pull it off. Likely to provoke a reaction of 'Mother of G*d!' when adorning the pasty, blemished buttocks of the 'full-figured' young lady. Bad diet, no exercise, five-pints-a-night, then 'peek-a-boo!'. Agggh!

I used to wonder why so many saucily-dressed young ladies walked the streets hatchet-faced. Now I now. Half are trying to ward off unwanted vulgar advances from men, the other half are annoyed they're not getting any!

There's nothing sexy about contrived, blatant eroticism. What's erotic is what seems to be an accident. 'A glimpse of stocking is something quite shocking' etc.

Likely to irritate female coworkers also. Assuming your company allows such clothing. It doesn't? I wonder why?

6. Swearing

Your gentleman friends might find this amusing, to your face. What they think in private is another matter. Habitual swearing is another sign of a depressed, angry person. It's unattractive. The more you do it, the more it corrodes your subconscious.

7. Breast Augmentation

Also known as a 'boob job'. These look fine, from a distance. Compared to a natural pair, they look odd. They are to real breasts what a transsexual is to a 'red hot mama'; no competition. Up close, they're just not as good as the real thing. A perfectly functional piece of equipment has been turned into a cartoon joke, with possible long-term medical consequences.

Some men like small breasts. Beauty is a matter of proportion. Some women are neurotic about their appearance; nothing will please them.

A good example is ...

8. Disappearing Eyebrows

They get plucked away to nothingness, then get drawn or tattooed back in. And this is better? One can end up looking freakish, even clown-like. Loss of hair suggests illness. Plucking out one's hair is often a sign of mental illness. Girls, desist! Don't try to gild the lily!

IMPORTANT NOTE: There are people who'll encourage you in the above. They'll say you look lovely. Misery loves company, and some people delight in the fall of others.

Be your own woman. Stand back from yourself, your life and your surroundings, and decide your own destiny.

Now that wasn't hard at all, was it? And you've earned a wealth of knowledge, just from taking some time to study an expert's word on appearance do's and don'ts.

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About The Author

T. O' Donnell (http://www.tigertom.com) is an ecommerce consultant and curmudgeon living in London, UK. His latest project is an ebook on conservatories, available at http://www.ttconservatories.co.uk.T. O' Donnell freeware may be downloaded at http://www.ttfreeware.co.uk.