Don't have
the Wedding Blues when You Choose
Your Maid of Honor
In today's
world, it seems that almost any
topic is open for debate. While I
was gathering facts for this
article about planning a wedding,
I was quite surprised to find
some amazing answers to the
question of who to choose for a
maid of honor.
Choosing
your Maid of Honor is more
complicated than it looks.
Nowhere else in your wedding
planning is it easier for vexing
problems to turn up! Why? Because
the Maid of Honor’s duties
are often vaguely defined, and
worse, poorly
communicated.
In fact,
every bride has her own unique
idea of what a Maid of Honor
should be. Which is fine –
the trick is in communicating
those ideas!
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So
what does a Maid of
Honor do?
On
one end of the spectrum,
she’s a ceremonial
figure who steps off the
plane and walks down the
aisle before the other
bridesmaids.
On
the other, she’s a
master of precognition
who soothes your nerves
before you know
you’re frazzled,
helps you send out your
invites,
“manages” the
bridesmaids, spreads the
word on your registry,
and offers up her
thoughts on everything
from the venue to the
dress.
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Most often,
the Maid of Honor is somewhere in
the middle. She leads the
bachelorette party and/or bridal
shower, and tries to “be
there” for the bride during
the planning process, and the
ceremony itself.
All this
flexibility leaves a lot of room
for misunderstandings. And they
happen a lot. The world is full
of brides who feel hurt and let
down by close friends as the big
day draws near. Do you want to be
one of them? Of course
not!
So here are
some tips on choosing – and
communicating with – your
Maid of Honor for minimum stress,
and maximum happiness.
1)
Define what you really
want.
Are you a
do-it-yourself bride, or do you
want your Maid of Honor to be
your right hand all the way
through?
If you're
high-maintenance, accept and
acknowledge it. Pick someone who
can truly be there for you, and
let them know exactly what you
want. If you don’t know
anyone with that much time or
energy to give, think about
finding help elsewhere. Is your
fiancé an active
participant? Can your mother do
more? Maids of Honor are not
supposed to be wedding
co-planners ... unless they
really, really want to be!
Think about
what you've read so far about
planning your wedding. Does it
reinforce what you already know
about choosing a maid of honor?
Or was there something completely
new? What about the remaining
paragraphs?
2) Tell
her what you really
want.
More than
one bride has shed tears because
a Maid of Honor couldn’t
read her mind. For example: many
brides wish their Maids of Honor
could give a little speech at the
reception, but never get around
to asking them. If it’s
important to you, talk about
it!
3) It
doesn’t have to be
family.
Never feel
you “have to” make a
sister or other family your Maid
of Honor. If your best
friend’s a loyal trooper who
goes with you on all the errands,
choose her. She deserves
it.
4) Pick
someone local if you need a lot
of help.
No one can
do much from 3000 miles away, no
matter how badly she wants
to.
5) Be
realistic; look at past
performance.
Weddings
are exciting. People are human.
When everything’s new and
you’ve just announced your
plans, lots of people will offer
to help. But not everyone will
manage to follow
through.
Who came
through for you before the
wedding?
Who
actually managed to rearrange
their schedules to be with you,
even when inconvenient?
These are
the people to rely on. No matter
how exciting your plans, they
won’t make an overcommitted
person more available to you.
Avoid the trap of asking such a
person because you think your
wedding will be “important
enough” for them to
“change their ways,”
and you’ll avoid all the
stress and hardship of a
disappointing Maid of
Honor.
6) Be
realistic; look at her life
ahead.
No matter
what a treasure your Maid of
Honor is, she has limits, too. Is
she expecting a new baby? Is she
working through a divorce? If
these things slow her down, which
they probably will, can you pick
up the slack without feeling
disappointed?
7)
Consider more than one Maid of
Honor if you just can’t
decide.
But keep in
mind, this can cause problems
too. Can your Maids of Honor
divide responsibilities,
communicate well and avoid
feelings of jealousy?
Now that
you've chosen, honor your Maid of
Honor with a little sign of how
special she is to you. Take her
out to a day spa, or go together
to have your hair done before the
ceremony. Pick out a dress for
her that’s a different color
from the other bridesmaids, or
order her a bouquet with some
special touches. She deserves
it!
Follow
these tips, and you’ll be
the bride who spends that
all-important day surrounded by
loving, warm friends at their
ease. Could anything be better?
Now might
be a good time to write down the
main points covered above. The
act of putting it down on paper
will help you remember what's
important about choosing a maid
of honor.
About the Author
Blake Kritzberg is editor at
"FavorIdeas.com" Stop by for a
huge selection of wedding favors,
Bridezilla's weekly adventures,
and free resources for brides:
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saver, wallpaper and web site
templates.
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Article
presented by Bob
Pardue
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